Let me...


"

I thought that if I called her
beautiful she could be able
to understand just how
marvelous she truly is.

I thought that if I held
her close to me she could
be able to feel not as
lonely as she did.

I thought that if I kissed her
she could be able to feel
just how much I really
did want to stay.

I thought that if I left her
she could be able to see
just how much she really
does need me.

"
"I thought," - Colleen Brown (via mostlyfiction)
— 1 day ago with 295 notes
The only problem with life is time

Or is it the other way around?

— 1 week ago
Things

Things to have when im older:
1. Pemain piring hitam
2. Bass and acoustic guitar
3. Piano (depends)
4. Books to read (poetry, literature, ideology, philosophy)
5. Mini Cooper
6. Macbeth shoes (yes. Shoes. With an s)
7. Smart and simple tees
8. Polaroid camera
9. Smart and simple furniture and interior design
10. Collection of good movies

— 1 week ago
Being alone often keeps me sane, I think.

And in my sanity,
It is only you that I see.

Or am I just crazy?

— 1 week ago
Daydream

I went to buy my dinner tonight. A take away dinner because I was in a rush. Tomorrow I’m going back to my village. It is my semester break. One month of semester break. I already had planned out activities to fulfilled my holidays. Need to get rid of this fat in my belly for good. Change it with a set of packs instead. That was the plan. We’ll see how it goes thirty days later.

Anyway, I was buying my dinner from a nearby restaurant. Nasi goreng kambing. The rice tasted good, but the meat was awful. The meat actually tasted okay but what made it awful was that there were lot of bones and only few of meat. Cheapskate restaurant. Never buying there again. When I was at the restaurant, there was this auntie. She looked young. Maybe in her 30s or something. She looked good. There were two beautiful little girls with her. Looking at their cute, pretty faces, I knew straight away that they were her daughters. She looked at me. I smiled. She did too.

Then I turned away to watch the television. There was a football match playing live. It was Pahang against Terengganu or something. I couldnt really focus because I was thinking about the auntie that I just saw. Not that I was attracted to her. It was just, she had the same style as you.

She was as grace as a princess when she ordered her foods, kinda strict like a queen when she said no to her daughters, she walks like you, she nearly had a smile as bright as yours. But not as bright because yours is the best.

My imagination started to run wild. I started to imagine about you being a mother. It was not hard to imagine at all. I really did see you being a mother, with all that you are now, in my mind. You had the attitude, the discipline, and the love of a mother. I even imagined you had a daughter. And she was about five to six years old. You carried her around, holding her hands. Whenever she wants to buy something that you didnt agree with, you made your “garang” face that you always did. Then she started to cry. Being a beautiful caring mother that you are, you went down on your knees, held her face, and wiped her tears. “Dont cry” you said. “We’ll get it later” and your daughter nods straight away.

As this imagination progresses, I started to think wilder, even the impossible.

A handsome, smart, gentleman stood behind you and your daughter. He put his right hand on your daughter’s head while his left hand pinch your chubby cheek. “I’ll get it for you later okay?” he said to your daughter. You looked up. You smiled. It was your husband. It was me. You got up and hugged me tightly. I hugged you back and gave a peck of kiss on your forehead. You looked me in the eye and said that you love me. Then when I was just about to tell you just how much I love you, my dinner came. “Nah nasi goreng dah siap”

Gosh. What a bummer.

Anyway, I miss you. So much. Have a good life. Take care of yourself. Please be happy. And please keep away from me. Because if you really have any idea of how much I love you, you’d be wise enough not to be close. If you come close, it will be so hard for me to let you go. So hard. So dont you dare come close to me if you have no intention to stay forever. Because my feelings for you, it’s meant for forever.

Goodnight now. Sweet dream. Sleep tight, honey😌

— 2 weeks ago
Atheist

It has been three days in a row where I have slept during the days and be awake during the nights. I guess that is some sort of my specialty. Shutting my eyes, my life from the world and live in a dream. Lol. You could say that I’m living the dream. Literally.

My absence does not mean anything to anyone anyway. I am a loner. Most of the time, I wish I could just sleep forever. But of course, that would be irresponsible.

See I’m not that strong. I’m weak. My shoulder is small. It could not bear the weight of the world. I put the weight there myself to be a constant reminder for me that this world is nothing but temporary.

I just woke up from my sleep when I’m writing this. I had a dream just a while ago when I’m sleeping. I barely remember what it is all about. When you are asleep, your dream becomes your life. Your brain will made you think, breathe, and be who you are in the dream world, same as you did in real life. It is hard to tell that you are in a dream sometimes. But most of the times, you know you are sleeping, and it is indeed a dream that you are living. Dream is an abstract. It is not real. It is all in your subconscious mind. After you wake up, dream does not bring any meaning or any significant change in your life.

Maybe this is how an atheist think. I feel sad for them. Atheist does not believe in the existence of god. They do not believe in life after death. So, if we die, where do atheist think we would end up? Nowhere. You can pretty much say, life is just like a dream to an atheist. Same as your dream does not matter after you woke up, life too does not matter after we die.

But I wont judge. I dont know what they have been through in their life. I pray someday Allah will give guidance to them. I am bad myself. I may have wrote about all the stuff that I’ve thought about here, but most of the time, all my thoughts, all my ideas becomes blurry. The scent of our rotten world had blurred my mind. Most of the times, I cannot think straight. That is why most of the time I act like a fool. Because I am a fool.

I came across a tweet that says a man will only choose or realized what he want to be and know who he is after the age of 24. I’m 22 now. I do not know what I want to be. I do not know who the hell Ahmad Syakib is supposed to be in this world. Maybe two years later, I will get my answer and know for sure. Maybe. If I lived that long.

— 3 weeks ago

solar-citrus:

You would be surprised with how many people in your life could be going through depression at this very moment.  People hide it like a paper bag over their heads out of fear of being judged, made fun of, seen as weak, or just not taken seriously.  Depression should not be taken lightly, it holds us down from our purpose and potential in life.  Those who tell you that it doesn’t exist have never experienced depression in their life, therefore not understanding the symptoms and how it’s something that cannot be fixed in a day!  So if you think you are depressed or if you think you know someone else who is, please talk to a friend, a family member, or anyone else in your life that you trust - never overlook the possibility of seeing a doctor for more professional help!!  Your feelings are real, your feelings are shared upon millions.  Don’t hide it, talk to someone about it.  With the right help, you can rediscover your confidence and begin life anew with our undying love and support!

We are right here!!

"…it holds us down from our purpose and potential in life." Maybe depression is the reason why I have so much trouble to figure out my true potential and purpose in life?

(via thefrogman)

— 3 weeks ago with 360332 notes
One day

I just realized that maybe what I want or what I need is a mate whom I can share complete silence with, without ever feeling awkward. Our silence would feel so much comforting rather than exchanging of words, which most of the time, is suffocating.

Just lie down, maybe hug and cuddle a bit, staring above without uttering a single word. Looking above, at the ceilings, the sky, clouds, the moon or even fireworks. Enjoying the moment, feeling grateful and lucky in each other’s company. Time would move slow or rather not moving at all, when we’re together.

Where are you, my chosen one? One who shares the same view about life with me. One who perhaps still looking for the best view to cruise through life like me. One who understands. One who completes my soul.

Wherever you are, do take care. Until we meet, one day😊

— 3 weeks ago
The Box

Mainstream. Why is it such a bad thing? Let me tell you why.

Those who are still green in this course called life, those who still havent been able to figure out why he/she was born and those who havent got a clue of what role he/she is supposed to play in today’s fucked up world, tends to go along with the current flow. The thing is, the stream that are currently flowing doesnt always guarantee clean waters. If sewage waters were flowing down the stream, or even blood or urine, these little dandelions will never know because they just go with the flow. They didnt think. They would think that it’s okay to like Justin Bieber, it’s okay to adore K-pop so much and it’s cool to just go to school, get a degree, work, retires and dies without bringing any significant change in this fucking fucked up world because they do not know any better. They do not have a stand. Their own stand!

Mainstream is bad. They keep you deep inside the box that not a single bit of inspiration would come into your silly little mind to even imagine about outside world. Outside world of the box. Where infinite possibilities, wisdom and knowledge lies. That’s where dreams are made of. From a single idea that was derivated from an integral of infinite possibilities. That’s where passion lies! They keep you inside this fucking box they called life, and they limited your dreams. When people asked what’s your dream, you keep confusing it with your occupational desire instead because money has fucked up your brain. “My dream is to be an engineer” “I wanna be a businessman” “I wanna be a doctor”

Maybe, just maybe you really are passionate enough to have set your occupation as your dream. Maybe you would and could make a change. That is, if you are made with an engineers in you. But not all of us are born with the ability of an engineers, businessmen and doctors! People are different! Have you look at our skin colours? They’re not all alike. Did you know each people have different, unique own DNA? Everyone have their own abilities. Not everyone is born to be professionals. So stop treating everyone equally.

Of course. I know. People could try their very best to be what they wanna be. Okay. Try to imagine this for a minute. A goldfish. If a goldfish were put in the middle of the desert with a high expectation from people for it to carry bags and goods on its back to get across the desert like camel does, can the goldfish do it? Maybe even for a million years of practice, there will only be tiny, tiny possibility for it to do a camel’s job. Why? Because it is a goldfish. It needs water to swim. Only in water could a goldfish show off its beautiful wavy fins and bright colourful skin.

The box that they put you in was so subtle and fine that you would not even notice that it’s a box. You would think that “Everybody is doing it, so I should do it too right? It’s the right thing to do. It’s the only thing to do”. Guess what? No it’s not the only thing to do! Go to school and college then work, retires and dies. Is that what life is all about? To do nothing but following the system that has been made up? No. Life is more beautiful than that.

What if your son is another Leonardo Da Vinci, waiting to be explored by the world. The only thing keeping him from making arts and mesmerize the whole world with a few strokes in a blank canvas is because you sent him to do an accounting degree. The Da Vinci in him was never triggered because you failed to see that in him. If you failed, it doesnt help him to get to know himself better. He needs to know himself. From knowing, comes understanding and once he does understands who he really is and what he is capable of, he will be himself. He will test his abilities to its maximum potential while living life happily doing things that he is best at.

Sometimes, it is up to each individuals. Figure out who you are. Find the correct source of information to know what you wanna know. Go dig and read more. Find your inner peace. Smile. Be happy. Dont just go with the flow. Think. You’re much more than this. Than all of this. Do think. And act. Even I havent figured out myself yet but I’m getting there. Slowly. Step by step. Maybe I’ll get there later. Or not. We shall see.

In a nutshell, religion. All you need is have faith in your religion and its teaching. No matter how you look at it, Islam is the only answer. For me. I can explain all of Islam’s ways that really makes sense to prepare us for life. This life. This fragile, tiring, full of surprises, finite thing called life.

Finite, because believe it or not, life ends. For all of us ✌

— 3 weeks ago